Date: 12/04/2024
Based on what you’ve learned from listening to the experiences of autistic children and adults, what advice would you give to your younger self in relation to how you support and work with autistic people?
A few things that I have changed my few point on as a late diagnosed ND adult, parenting ND children and as a therapist are:
Be kind to myself as a person, parent and therapist. I am doing the best I can and I will get things wrong. Acknowledge this and try again tomorrow.
Accept help, even when I know its not perfect or exactly how I want/ need it done. I’ve learned there are certain tasks I need to do myself and others that I can tolerate other people doing because as long as the chore gets done, its done.
Be more mindful of my own sensory needs and allowing myself the accommodations I need. Not being apologetic for this. I’ve always had sensory issues that I have masked and hidden until recently. Now I wear my sunglasses all the time without feeling like everyone’s staring or I slip my loop earpiece in so I can sit with my child while she eats without triggering my misophonia and guilt.
Take more time for myself – we tell parents about the importance of self-care but how often do we actually do it ourselves. Start small, even if its just a cup of tea and chocolate bar.
Sleep – our youngest slept in with me on and off until he was 7. When there’s a big change, he will come back in for a few nights and then slowly drift back out. Our eldest co-slept until she was 3 and learned to self-soothe. I remember being stressed about this and the psychologists trying to put sleep routines etc. in. We couldn’t maintain them because we all have sleep issues in our household. A colleague at the time, told me to enjoy the co-sleeping and that once everyone was sleeping, the move to sleeping in their own beds would come when they were ready. I’d miss it when it was gone. I stopped stressing about sleep and getting them in to their own bed and keeping them there. She was right, I have a bed to myself now and miss the chaos of 2 little ones, tossing and wiggling beside me.
Technology – recognise that technology has an important role in our regulation. If I go to a new place or have to wait somewhere, the first thing I do is take out my emotional support device (my phone) and doom scroll. I do this and recognise the impact it has on my anxiety and regulation, so why would I remove it from my child when they are using it for the same reason?? We do have certain times of the day where we don’t use devices e.g., after 7 pm we don’t use handheld devices but they can watch a short TV show before winding down for bed. My eldest daughter, will at levels of high stress, revert to non-speaking so her phone also acts as a communication device.